Postpartum Depression: “Feeling sad or having “baby blues” after having a baby” – is what I used to think it was.

I thought it was for other people, but not for me. After all, I was realistic about life with a heavy dose of optimism and that would surely get me through. I had a loving family who was supportive of me. I had a more than ideal home life with my husband working full time to provide while I stayed home to tend to new baby.

Then 2020 came along, sucking all the joy, support, love, care, bliss, and anything good from the grip of my hands. I had no control over anything. The people who were supposed to come and be by my side were no longer an option. Food from friends and acquaintances was hesitantly accepted. No one got to meet my baby and for that matter she is now severely under-socialized. It is extremely hard to find a break in the midst of everything because you’re terrified to let anyone hold your baby because of this stupid pandemic. If you have another child like I do, you most likely had some amount of school at home which has been tough. Not only the education aspect of your children, but the social and mental aspect.

Moms already have so much responsibility, but this? This is too much. For every person. Whether working, staying at home, 1 kid, 10 kids, etc…this has been a life altering year that has been reeking havoc in every aspect of our lives. From the smallest crevasses to the largest, gaping holes, it has effected everything.

Here is a list of Postpartum Depression Symptoms:

• Feeling depressed (for example, empty, sad, or hopeless)
• Lack of interest or pleasure in doing normal activities (for example, trouble bonding with baby, loss of interest in socializing, feeling like you don’t care anymore)
• Trouble falling or staying asleep, or sleeping too much
• Feeling tired or having little energy
• Feeling like you need to force yourself to eat, overeating, or noticeable weight changes
• Feeling guilty for things over which you have no control
• Difficulty thinking clearly or concentrating
• Inability to sit still, pacing, tugging on clothing, or slowed speech, thinking, or movements

SOUNDS LIKE 2020 WITH A BOW ON IT DOESN’T IT?

This doesn’t just sound like postpartum, it literally sounds like the definition of 2020.

At Maeve’s 2 month check up, I got a follow up call from her Nurse. She said I was scoring high on their Edinburgh Postnatal Depression Scale 1 (EPDS). I told her they really needed to get an updated survey, specifically for 2020 and Covid.

Do I have postpartum depression? Or is it just COVID and 2020?

Am I crazy for feeling this way? Or do I genuinely need to go talk to someone?

HARD TO TELL (insert crazy Joker laugh).

No but for real. It’s so hard to tell because I want to say, “check on your friends with kids during this pandemic because we are not okay.” But then on the other hand, I don’t even have time for you to check on me…or to respond to texts that aren’t relevant in my life, or much less poop by myself. I have a hard time staying consistent, forming sentences, eating right or even eating for that matter, going to sleep, waking up, etc. You name it. But the reality is that LOTS of other people feel this way because of COVID.

We have been isolated, distanced, told we cannot hug, visit, care for, cook for, clean for, anyone that isn’t directly in your household and it has caused so much turmoil for everyone.

But tonight I am writing to the moms out there. Specifically more so to the new moms or moms to be very soon…I love you. I am so sorry that this year has stolen so much joy for us. I am so sorry we are extremely stressed out. I am so sorry that we feel like if things don’t change soon you’re going to have a stroke. I’m so sorry that we have so little motivation to pick ourselves up off the floor. I am so sorry that people sometimes don’t see us. I am so sorry that this is what it is.

Yes, there are great things that have happened in 2020, but I’m saving that for another post. For now, we wallow.

“Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.” Romans 12:15

Cheers.

Xoxo,

B