I’ve never been stuck in transition this long in my entire life (okay, I’m being dramatic).

My transition right now is pregnancy, career change, and finding my true calling from God. I felt like I knew where I was going but now I just feel all over the place with all the change rearing it’s big head in just a few months. I don’t know where to start except to prepare for baby which is overwhelming in itself! I’ve grasped to cleaning/nesting for some sense of preparation but I also still have all these big ideas in my head on how I’m going to give back to the world.

I think the best thing for me right now is to tell myself that “action” is on hold. Right now, I’m in the “building” stage. Building experience, building patience, building my testimony. I had a huge testimony already but you know, God knows how to make things much bigger than we could ever imagine. So here I am. Waiting.

I wouldn’t call it patiently waiting, but I hear God clearly telling me to slow down and take these moments of pregnancy and momming and savor them. With my first daughter I wasn’t really able to savor much of anything (believe me, this story is coming but not right now). God is giving me an opportunity to be a real MOTHER. Like a for real for real mother. The kind of mother I saw at other people’s houses and in movies. I really do feel extremely blessed to be able to provide emotionally and physically for BOTH of my children right now.

Emma has taught me so much. I wouldn’t be the bad a$$ mother I am today without this kid being the catalyst of who my core being is. There is always a silver lining. There is always a bright side. Darkness cannot take over the Light. Knowing this makes me forever grateful for the way my life has gone. Although “not fair”, scary, unfortunate at some points, sad, or hindered – more so than any of those things I have been filled, loved, inspired, diversified, cracked open, matured, BLESSED…the list could go on.

I know that my pasts testimony is supposed to be my fuel. I am supposed to speak to women and help them navigate a place that I’ve already experienced. But now…now I am building my present testimony. Which I think God knows only strengthens my pasts testimony and glorifies Him completely.

Just want to take a second to thank each and every one of you who read along, watch my Instagram stories, click my YouTubes, listen to my Podcasts, and LOL at my lame jokes. This online community has made my vulnerability so much easier and given a little bit of millennial instant gratification. I never used to write. Now I love writing. I love the way it makes me feel and my little fingers just burst across the keyboard in ways sometimes videos cannot do.

I am just feeling very grateful for pushing myself into this creative space because I know it will pay off. I know this is where I’m supposed to be. Clarity will come after my transition.

Xoxo,

B