The vibe of your surroundings…

Obviously your surroundings make a big impact on your own attitude, choices, and life in general. But I feel like people only tend to notice “the vibe” when it’s gotten really bad. Like the work environment you’ve been in that you constantly have to tell yourself “this is just the way it is, you’re being too sensitive.” The relationship you’ve been in that you know isn’t fulfilling the abundant life God has promised you, but you’ve already put in so much effort. Or the friendships that really aren’t feeding either one of you, but you pretend like everything okay because if you removed yourself  little clique, you wouldn’t be invited to the summer lake house anymore.

We hold onto comfort and social etiquette in order to preserve what we think is good. But what we forget is that when we hold on the good, we don’t leave room for the great.

There has been a major movement of God going on in my life over the past 5 years. What I’ve come to realize is that this transformation had been waiting on me, I just didn’t accept it. I was too busy holding on to the good, the sub par, and the mediocre instead of believing the greatness that God has in store for me. There is a fine line in pushing through hard times/people rather than deliberately putting yourself in a situation you weren’t called to be in. It’s hard to decipher which one is which, in the same sense that sometimes it’s hard to know where you’re being called and what’s your own worldly desires. Here’s how I’ve come to feel right about the life I am creating here on earth…

1. It’s with Jesus.
2. It’s something I’ve prayed for specifically but also just for God’s will over my life over my own hearts longing.
3. I deliberately attend, volunteer, and participate in Church and get to the know the community.
4. I am very realistic about the way I’ve grown up over the past 27 years and give myself grace in the sense that I am not perfect. My own personality is supposed to shine through the molding that God is doing.
5. The people I choose to spend my time with is on a 80/20 basis. 80% people who are spiritually further along than me that are shepherding me. 20% of people who are not spiritual at all that I am put into their lives to shepherd.
6. I trust God completely with my finances. I pray about my finances. I tithe obediently now. I give with a grateful heart, not a “Oh crap, this is really going to hurt my budget this week” because I know that God always comes back two fold. (although that’s not the reason we tithe).
7. I pray heavily for my family. I literally pray for my husbands obedience to The Lord, his peace, his strength, his courage, and his ability to lead this family. I pray for my daughters heart to have the armor of God on, for her protection, her peace, her innocence, to child-like faith to grow.

The list could go on and on but those were the first few things that popped into my head. If you’re reading this and you know me, you know I am pregnant. At this time I am 21 weeks – whoo hoo halfway! Some facts are that we have not had insurance and had not been accepted into financial aid with the healthcare system. All OBGYN appointments, labs, ultrasounds, etc have been paid for out of pocket which is hard for any family.

Another tidbit of information is that we have a debt that has four zeros in it. I’m not quite ready to divulge the details of this secret we’ve been carrying around for the last 5 years, but I’ll tell you that the debt is still rolling up and up and up…as attorney’s do. The reason I share this information is show that debt = stress. Stress = debilitation. Debilitation = Isolation. This leads you to feeling super stuck in all other aspects of your life. Which then turns into a cycle of toxicity…if you don’t have Jesus. Our family has been through the ringer, let me assure you of that. More than most. But we started trusting Jesus, truly being obedient, and big things have happened.

We’ve had the means to pay for what we needed to pay for, although that has resulted in debt. We have been so very blessed by others while we withstand this really freaking long storm. We sought out help from professionals who have changed the game on how we battle this storm. We have stayed in communication with each other as a family unit instead of pushing each other way like we had done before. We have grown stronger, smarter, fiercer, and more united than ever. The silver lining is really shiny if you take a close look.

Today I got 5 letters in the mail from the healthcare system. Of course, we assumed they were bills. I waited to open them when I got home instead of letting it ruin the moment I was currently in. When I got home, here’s what the letters read.

“Dear Mrs. Kavanagh, 

Account #xxxxxxx

We are pleased to let you know that the account listed above has been approved for XYZ Healthcare Financial Assistance. The portion of the bill not covered by insurance or government programs has been resolved. 

We wish you the very best for the future. If you have questions, please contact our Customer Service Department.

Sincerely, 

Patient Financial Services”

But guess what…my husband received letters too. We both had outstanding bills that needed to be paid that we were making small payments on. The bills weren’t huge at this point (seeing as I am still 5 months away from the birthing bill) but it was still enough to make a significant impact on our immediate debt. We couldn’t believe it. We immediately said LOOK WHAT GOD DID. LOOK HOW GOOD HE IS. HE PAID FOR ALL THESE BILLS WHICH WAS MORE THAN WHAT WE HAD TITHED! We knew it was God. No doubt about  it.

Today was grocery day. We went to the grocery store with a strict list of the bare minimums. We do a good job at getting creative with what’s already in the pantry. I had been forgetting to use the gift card that I got from a sweet kids grandmother back this summer. We were standing at the 2nd grade Fun Run cheering on our kiddos and chatting. We talked for about an hour and by the end of it, I giddily told her I was just a few weeks pregnant and that no one else really knew. She was so kind and hugged me and wished us the best of luck. The next day, my kid had a card in her backpack. It was from the grandmother wishing us congrats with a Kroger gift card. It touched my heart but I had no way of getting a hold of her! So I sent a note back with my kid, to give to grandkid, to give to grandmother.

So 6 months later, I’m finally using the gift card. My bill was $106 (told you it was a tight budget for a family). I swiped the gift card expecting it to be $10-$20, but next thing I know the machine at self checkout is printing a receipt. This can’t be right, there’s been a mistake. There’s no way she put $100+ on this thing! The balance remaining on the card was mind blowing. It was a lot more than $100. My husband and I just stared at each other in complete shock that in the tightest time of the year, after we made the decision for me to leave a specific job, and now pregnant with bills piling up, our cup ran over. Again.

This post is already much lengthier than my normal blogs, but I could still sit here and list off more about how God has come through. The things that I’ve prayed for have been blown out of the water by this wonderful Savior. It’s so much to take in when I start to think about the way God has blessed me and my family.

Take a moment this season to sit with God, thank Him for all that He has done, all that He will do, and use what you have to bless others. Be consistent with spending time surrounding yourself with Jesus.

God is good, all the time.

Love,

B