Why do I think I’m supposed to have it figured out? For goodness sake, I’m only 27. 

Yes I have a kid and currently a bun in the oven. 

Yes I am married and have been for 4+ years. 

Yes I have had some success in my life. 

But why do I feel like I should be somewhere else? 

Or even, why do I always feel like I should settle for mediocre? 

My mom always said I was meant for more. God says I was meant for more. So why don’t I believe it? Because of fear. Fear is always getting in the way and it’s annoying as crap. I coach others about fear, but I myself still suffer from it! It’s crippling at times and sometimes it makes me a crazy person but I am so grateful that I can check myself before it gets out of hand. 

I didn’t used to be able to check myself. I would go weeks and months with this crippling anxiety but I would just hide from it. I would never actually face the fear itself. Through some transformative life events and surrender to Jesus, I can finally check myself. 

When I address the fear with the truth that The Lord has promised me, the fear is no longer relevant. The fear could still happen, but it doesn’t matter because I have the power of The Holy Spirit that lives within me that helps me fight these battles. Because He changes my perspective from a place of grief to grace, scarcity to surreal, and burdened to blessed. 

It is all about your mind and heart shape. If these two are not exercised in sync with Jesus, you become ill. You have to train. You have to fight for it. You have to break barriers and limits that the devil has placed over your life and claim victory in Christ. 

It’s hard. I wouldn’t be the person I am today without the extremely painful events that led me to this point. Do I wish those events on anyone? No. But do I wish for trials in your life? Yes. Because those things truly do make you stronger when you’re walking with The Lord. 

I don’t know the plans The Lord has for me. I know I like being creative and I enjoy helping other women, but I am praying on it instead of charging at it, horns first. I can admit that I tend to do things out of impulse because of how decisive I am, but in the last few years I have slowed down and talked to The Lord about things. Trying not to lean on my own understanding. 

 

Random impulses I have/had: 

• Tiny House living 
• Living in the mountains
• Starting and Online Business
• Photography
• Life Coaching 
• Veganism
• Eco-Friendly Living

All of these “desires” still sit at the forefront of my heart and I analyze them from time to time. Why do I feel this way? What brought that up in my mind? What part of my childhood relates to this? Why am I feeling this way in my late 20’s? The answer is: I don’t know. And that’s okay. 

 

I don’t have to have everything or anything figured out. 

It is okay that I have gone through traumatic experiences and seen the beauty in them. 

It is okay to try new things as you grow and change in this life. 

 

Love,

B