If the featured imagine alone doesn’t get your attention, then I don’t know what will. This picture was taken on a walking trail my mom walked in Conway, SC with her dog Spot and her spouse Steve. I have all of her clothes on to try and cope with the fact that she’s dead. And I hadn’t seen her in a really long time. So I was retracing her steps, grasping at her essence.

When we are young, we are told to dream big. But we end up “laying low” in fear that we will be rejected, unliked, or ridiculed. So we miss the opportunity to be unique because there’s always next time, right?

Nope. Definitely not. Next thing you know, you’re at the end of your life and you’ve done nothing significant because you just wanted to lay low and catch the next train. Choo-choo! This is the end of the tracks my people!

I’ve been stuck in a whirl wind of depression lately. My mom died, I quit my job knowing it was the right things to do but still felt like a loser for doing so, and haven’t really felt like myself. Depression is a nasty little beotch.

• “You used to be so vibrant”
• “You used to be good at everything you tried.”
• “You used to actually care about others but now you only care about yourself”

Why are we so mean to ourselves?! None of this is true!

I AM VIBRANT, I AM GOOD AT A LOT THAT I TRY, AND BY GOLLY I CARE WAY MORE FOR OTHERS THAN I DO MYSELF!

I have had these big dreams in my heart, but have no idea what they actually are. It’s been brewing inside for years. I’ve felt like if I had different circumstances, if I had more money, or if I didn’t already have such a full plate I would be able to go through with my creativity. But now… where am I now? I had a big fat reality check when my mom died. Life is really short. Like really, really short. Shorter than any of us have ever imagined. And if we don’t act now, we could come to the end of our lives and feel what no one wants to feel…the what if.

My mom was a free spirit to say the least. Yes she was an alcoholic, but she was much more than her disease. She was outdoorsy, kind, adventurous, resilient, fierce, trendy, silly, and really didn’t give a sh*t what other people thought. I’m sure at one point in her life she was riddled with caring what others thought, but not in the time that I knew her. She was a single mom of three kids, running her own business, and fighting so many demons in her head. Demons that had come in and f**ked sh*t up without any meaning. Nothing that she caused, certainly nothing that she wanted, but she persisted. At life. Like the stuff that my mom went through would have easily warranted suicidal thoughts (which they did, but God wanted her alive).

So today I want to encourage you to dream like my mother inspired me. No limit, no dream too big, and that you are definitely going to change the world. You’re special. You have a gift that you need to use.

When my mom would start spiraling in life, for obvious and valid reasons, she would cry on the screened in porch smoking a Virginia Slim Menthol Ultra Light 100. I would catch her crying about life’s hardships and I always remember her telling me….

“Bailey, I have lived. I have skied on high mountains, I have traveled the world, and I have had tall, dark, and handsome lovers.” (Puke Mom, too much info!) “Make sure you LIVE. Experience this life. Be young. Be Silly. Be divine. Dance naked in the rain.”

I love you Mom. Thanks for the reminder today.

Love,
B